Winter 2007 Soccer Letter #9


Game #8: Bent Like Beckham: 3 Cleat Seeking Missiles: 5


Last Game saw the much-loved underdogs of the Thursday Night Recreational-PLUS League, Bent Like Beckham, battle against the Cleat Seeking Missiles. This is the second time in as many weeks that these two behemoths of the league came head to head in the “Battle of the Bottoms”. No, that’s not the kind of movie you’re thinking about (although it would be a catchy title), it is recognition to the fact that the “Cleat Seekers” (Another good movie title….) and Team Bent are at the bottom of the league – yes, sad but true. However, on the positive side, that’s exactly where Team Bent likes to be, ‘cause there’s really nowhere else to go but up.


After the previous week’s loss to Team Bent, The Cleat Seeking Missiles showed up this week with a couple of new faces to their team, one was Miss Football Argentina (Actually, I’m not really sure if she is the Miss Football Argentina, but all the same I’m sure you’ll agree, she was pretty distracting..) second was the entire first line of the Argentine National Soccer Team. Sure, Bent Like Beckham likes playing against the odds, but really, come on people….




Miss Football Argentina



Argentine National Soccer Team





















The game raced back and forth with each team giving a solid 49%, so as to hold back the required 51% in the Pub afterwards. (Those pints don’t drink themselves you know)…..Early in the game, things were all tied up and the excitement was brewing like a medium cup of Tim Horton’s coffee. I still don’t understand the Grande, Tall, blah blah blah thing that Starbucks has invented to confuse everyone over their $3.95 cup of coffee, so I’ll stick with what I know. Hearing the excitement, a few of Bent Like Beckham Fans rushed to the Gym to cheer on their Team…




Bent Like Beckham Fans





























C.S.M. Goalie



This surge of positive, beer-induced energy helped give Bent Like Beckham one more push towards the Cleat Seeking Missiles goal. Moving with the agility of a 90 year old grandmother of 23, the skill of Wal-Mart cashier and the soccer know-how of pub full of Scotsmen on a Saturday night, Bent Like Beckham rushed the Cleat Seeking Missiles defense. Shot after shot was thrown at their goalie, dramatic saves were being made, how that goalie managed to stop balls 15 feet away is beyond me.



Team Bent did however, manage to get two goals past the goalie by our come out of nowhere Soccer Striker: Tony “I smack my Balls Hard” Beckham. How this nacho eating, beer swilling lay-about has turned into one of Bent Like Beckhams Winter All Stars is a subject of much discussion, which really has one conclusion. The more beer you drink, the better you play…..






During the half-time break, Team Bent went back to the drawing board trying to devise a cunning, yet simplistic plan that would lead to certain victory. With the combined brainpower of our team at my disposal we came up with the following four brilliant plans. Plan A: Drink Keith’s Pale Ale, Plan B: Drink Keith’s Light Ale, Plan C: Drink Keith’s Red Amber Ale and Plan D: Fly to the Bahamas and join the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit photo shoot. Plan D was immediately discarded as the photo shoot was been sponsored by Dasani Water, an unknown liquid that our team seems to be allergic to.







Hot Water Models



The Guns of Navarone




That left Plan E….


The third and final goal that Bent Like Beckham scored in the game was a result of our new secret play dubbed, “The Guns of Navarone”. The play goes something like this: Tony gets the ball, passes it to Brian, Brian passes it to Philippe, Philippe passes it back to Brian who heads it up to Tom, Tom loses the ball to the slow mother of 8 on the other team, Peter gets the ball back, trips, picks himself up, trips again….and again, and again and then one last time, then he somehow gets back possession of the ball, passes it to Desiree who screams, kicks at the ball 17 times and then hits it to Summer, who uses her chest (of which Desiree claims is fabulous) to stop the ball, which bounces to Stephanie who kicks it to Pam, then to Lisa then back to Pam then to Lisa then back Stephanie then to Tom, who tries again with some pretty impressive foot work to get by the mother of 8 on the other team only to lose it again, which is then picked back up by Tony who cracks the ball as hard as he can at the back of the wall 15 feet above the goal, which rebounds to Philippe who kicks the ball, breaking three windows and the arm of the Game Coordinator, then bounces off Denise’s Bosom and into the goal. True Story. Well, there may have been some creative liberties taken in the length of the story, but the outcome was more or less the same.





Well, the final outcome was Cleat Seekers 5, Bent Like Beckham 3. A Great game and although, $7.50 and a used bus pass was offered to the Game Coordinator to change the “official” outcome of the match, the honesty of the CSSC prevailed. Next time we’ll just offer beer. We’ll see everyone next week against the Gargoyles, also known as “The Other Purple Team”. This will be a good match as we plan on playing for the right to wear purple. As of today, there are no plans in development or imaginative ways to cheat, however, all suggestions are welcome.




Tom Beckham

Team Captain and All Around Great Guy

Voted Most Likely to wear a Cup in Soccer




Team Chairman for Life