A Division of Bent Like Beckham Worldwide

Welcome to Spring Soccer Letter No. 3

Game 4 Report

2 Meter Peters 3 – Spark Squad 6

It was a weary crew that took to the pitch on Sunday night, with three of their members still limping from brilliant races that morning at the Calgary Marathon:

 Hardly broke a sweat and scored twice

 Broke a sweat and scored nothing

 Only went half the distance

But if they were hoping that the other team would slow down a bit so the weary and aged 2 Meter Peters, a division of Bent Like Beckham Worldwide could keep up, they were sadly disappointed.  The Spark Squad played with youthful exuberance, the same kind you had when you were 22 years old and slept until noon instead of getting up early on Sunday morning to run road races. 

It was a tight first half which ended with the Sparkly team up 1-nil on Brigitte’s own goal (arret, Brigitte!) which was a bullet of a shot that caught Patrick completely flat footed.

·         Fun Fact:  Patrick actually has flat feet.

The highlight of the first half was probably the moment Sandro pulled up the ad for the “nut bra” on his phone.  “Its patented ball hoisting technology lifts your boys safely out of harm’s way.  Simply slip your apple bag into the padded cups and you’re on your way.”  Safe to say that the men of the 2 Meter Peters (average age 50+) could all benefit from some ball hoisting technology.


Things went downhill faster than unhoisted scrotum in the second half.  That’s when the speedy guy and his friend, the other really speedy guy, took over and scored a bunch of goals. 

The Team did its best to respond, led by the French Connection  of Philippe, Amalie, Brigitte and Tracy, but no one else could understand a thing they were saying.  In the end, their speedy guys scored more than our French guys.  Maybe next time.  Or as they say at Cannes, la fois peut-être prochaine.

It got worse from there.  Game of Thrones was pre-empted for some lame made for TV movie about Liberace.  It doesn’t get much gayer than that.  Unless Game of Thrones was on, because it’s pretty gay a lot of the time.

In Other Soccer News:

·     It gets a bit gayer, if that was even possible, from this point forward.  Robbie Rogers, a midfielder with the LA Galaxy who has scored 13 times in the 120 games he has played in the league, announced that he was gay.  In February.  But nobody cared about it until now for some reason.    

·     Bayern Munich defeated Dortmund to win the Champions League on Saturday.  70 years ago, who might have thought that one day two German teams would play for a soccer championship at Wembley Stadium in 2013? 

This week’s Soccer Letter is brought to you by Team Germany.