Welcome to Summer Soccer Letter No. 2.

 

Bent Like Beckham is known far and wide as a force for good in the world.  When you think of Bent Like Beckham, your mind is filled with images of puppies and rainbows and ice cream cones on a sunny Saturday afternoon.  Valiant and honourable Canadians, true, strong and free to a man (and woman).  Everywhere they go, they are admired, respected and loved.  Why, most of them even pay their soccer fees on time. 

But once in a while, BLB must make that walk into the Valley of Darkness, there to confront wickedness.  But yet, verily, even in the face of ultimate horror, they fear no evil.  Not even a little bit.  Not even when they come face to face with the monstrous villains that are Scoregasm.

 

Scoregasm.  I hate these guys.

And so it was on Sunday night that Bent Like Beckham returned to the pitch to take on their greatest foe.  Another classic showdown between good and evil.  Just like Luke and Darth, Batman and the Joker, Frodo and Sauron.  So it is with BLB and Scoregasm.  One good, one foul. 

Here they are, the brave, stalwart and true men and women of Bent Like Beckham:   

 

 

Tom:  Team Captain and all around great guy.  He took the game to Scoregasm.  He took it wide.  Way wide, ragging the ball down the sidelines along an ever diminishing wedge of grass.  Then he reversed his field and took it the other way.  It did not accomplish much, but it sure looked like a lot of work.

TracyThe brains of the outfit, Tracy took it to the shins and ankles of Scoregasm, cursing at them in a variety of languages.  When Tracy curses you, you will take your curse and like it.  Just ask Tom.

Peter:   Ran 20 kilometers on Sunday morning to get ready for the game.  Ran about 150m once he got there. 

Philippe:  As they say in Paris, prenez garde de l'orteil.  Beware the toe.  Beware Philippe's mighty toe.  Puts the fear of merde in the other side every time he gets the ball.  One La Boom and it is tout finis.

Claudia:  To everyone's surprise, the Chilean Chopper made her first appearance of the season and showed why she is feared from San Diego to Santiago.  She ravaged Scoregasm all over the pitch, barked a Cristal at half time and then ravaged them some more. 

Deb:  Everywhere Scoregasm went, they ran into Deb.  And then she ran into them.  It was not pretty, but then, the Team does not pay Deb to be pretty.  The Team does not pay Deb at all.

Brian:  Showed true heart by playing with a damaged kidney.  Of all the organs on Bent Like Beckham, Brian's is by far the most impressive.

Steve:  Scored the team's only goal, hacking and slashing at the ball until it rolled 3 inches over the line.  It was an ugly beasty of a goal, but it counted more than all of the goal posts Brian hit combined.

Sandro:  Showed his guts by playing goal on a broken leg.  Then took off his socks and showed all of his guts and bones that were poking through his skin.  That was really gross, Sandro. 

 

In the end, Scoregasm won. 

And that is the last we will ever speak of this.

 


In other soccer news:

  • David Beckham got a new tattoo this week.  it says "Harper" and is located on the left side of his neck.  he must really like our Prime Minister to have his name tattooed on his neck like that.

·         Posh Beckham is on the cover of the new issue of Now Magazine (no, I've never heard of it either).  Inside, she shares how she is getting back to size 8, after giving birth to daughter Harper Seven.  She says she is not on a crash diet (but has asked the Beckham chef to prepare a no-carb, no-sugar diet) and is relying on a fitness program called “yogalosophy” (an no carbs and no sugar, apparently.  Yogalosophy is a combination of yoga and astrology.  It ‘aims at aligning the body and mind’ which then could help one lose weight. I swear I am not making this up.  You can learn all about yogalosophy here

  • The South African national soccer team, also known as Bafana Bafana introduced its new uniforms, also known as kit, for the 2011 soccer season.  Everyone in South Africa hates it.  One fan was quoted as saying, "The texture is horrible man .... whoever gave the go ahead on this design is a mampara seriously.”  You know what else is a mampara?  Scoregasm, that's what.  Seriously mampara.

 

 


 

This soccer letter is brought to you by Smurfette.

Go Bend It!!!

 

www.bentlikebeckham.com

 

And now on twitter @gobendit