Welcome to Summer Soccer Letter No. 1

Game 1 Report

Bent Like Beckham: 2 – The Vectors: Only 1

Finally, after floods and Stampedes, Bent Like Beckham finally, finally made its long awaited return to the soccer pitch.  Finally.

The Team welcomed a new recruit to this, the first game of the 2013 Summer Soccer season:  Young Jeff, who was still wearing diapers when Bent Like Beckham played its celebrated inaugural match in 2006.  Granted, Jeff was 16 then, but he always was a bit slow when it came to that whole house training issue.

But Jeff proved to be anything but slow on the pitch, roaring down the right side to collect a brilliant pass and boot it for his first goal only 3 minutes into the game.  From then on, he utterly failed to live up to his early promise.

But the rest of the team made up for it, holding the Vectors to a single goal with relentless defensive play and more than a few “great saves, keeper!”

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Intermission 1

This is a story that Tom likes to tell about Tony’s wedding:  On that brisk January afternoon, Tony stood ankle deep in snow with a big grin on his face.   So Tom asks him, “why do you look so excited?” Tony replies, “I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life AND I'm marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me!”

Meanwhile, Cindy is waiting in the snow not so far away with a huge smile on her face. So, Tracy asks her, “why do you look so excited?”  Cindy replies “I just gave the last blow job of my entire life.”

Game 2 Report

Bent Like Beckham: 2 – The Might Ducks: 5

For the second match in a row, Bent Like Beckham welcomed a new player into their ranks.  This time it was Peter 2 (henceforth known as “Repete”) who pulled on the turquoise.  And, once again, the new guy did not disappoint; scoring the game’s first goal on his first shift to put Bent Like Beckham up 1-nil.

After that, Repete was pretty disappointing.  But then, he was not alone.  The whole team was outrun and outgunned by a bunch of kids who have never shared  a planet with Captain Kangaroo or Mr Rogers.  Which is really sad, isn’t it.  And when you think about it that way, who were the real losers that night? 

Who indeed.

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Intermission 2

This is a story that Tony likes to tell about Tom:  Tom met up with Tony at the Newcastle one day.  Tony arrived first, and Tom found him sitting there with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli.  After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, Tom asks, "If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?" Tony slides the bowl over and says “help yourself.”

Tom slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli back into the bowl.

Tony says, "yup, that's as far as I got, too".

This is a thing that arrived in my mailbox this week:

 


 


Game 3 Report

Bent Like Beckham: 9 – The Marvel Super Heroes: 2

The Team was a bit nervous going into this one.  After all, a team called “Marvel Super Heroes” must be pretty good, right?  They probably have some guy in a red and yellow suit, and another guy who looks like Thor and maybe even Spider-man or something.

Turns out it wasn’t like that at all.  These guys were less like the Avengers, and more like the Great Lakes Avengers.  You know the guys I’m talking about, right?  Mr. Immortal, Flatman, Big Bertha and Squirrel Girl?  These guys:

Maybe I will stop talking about comic book characters now.  I am told it makes me less attractive to women.

As for the game, Bent Like Beckham laid a good old fashioned whupping on these so called super heroes.  Everyone scored a goal.  Everyone but Sandro, that is.  Sandro, there may be a spot for you on the Great Lakes Avengers.


In Other Soccer News:

·     Japan, Australia, Iran and South Korea have all qualified for the 2014 World Cup.

·     Scotland has been eliminated from the World Cup.  Also out?  The Faroe Islands.  Looking like it might qualify?  Montenegro.  I have no idea where that is.    

This week’s Soccer Letter is brought to you by Montenegro.  Go Falcons!

Go Bend It!!

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