Welcome to Summer Soccer Letter No. 2

It’s been a couple of tough weeks for Bent Like Beckham. The Team got beat pretty good two weeks ago and then got beat just as good last week.  So that’s all that we have to say about that.  Thus endeth the Game Report.

The rest of this letter is just funny pictures and rude jokes.

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Last Sunday, Tom and Tracy took the girls to church.  While they were on the car ride over, Teagan leaned over, smacked Leah across the head, and Leah yelled out "Ouch you fucking wanker!"

After church, Tracy went to talk to the priest. She said "Father, my girls just won't stop swearing and I don't know what to do". The priest says "Well, have you tried smacking them?" she said "No, doesn't the church look down on that?"  The priest says "Well, yes, but in some cases we'll make an exception".

The next day, the two girls come down for breakfast and Tracy asks Leah what she wants for breakfast. Leah says "Well, gimme some fucking waffles".  Tracy backhands Leah so hard, she flies out of her chair and lands against the door. Shocked by this, Teagan becomes very quiet. Tracy then asks what she wants for breakfast and Teagan says, “well you can bet your sweet ass I don't want no fucking waffles!"

 

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Jeff went to visit his uncle, who lives on a farm.  For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that Jeff was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

Finally, the uncle had an idea. "There's no one around for miles, why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer Jeff up, and off he went, dogs in trail.

"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle when Jeff returned. "It was great!" said Jeff. "Got any more dogs?"

Soccer Players Love Ice Cream

Sandro is riding the bus home after soccer one Sunday night when he taps the shoulder of the woman in the seat in front of him.  "Excuse me" he said, "I think you have some semen on the back of your jacket".

"I'm sure it's not semen" she said, "It's probably yoghurt".

"It's definitely semen" said Sandro, "I don't ejaculate yoghurt".

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.

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How many men does it take to open a can of beer?

None, it should be open by the time she brings it to the couch.

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There have been some issues at www.bentlikebeckham.com this week.  If you visited the internet home of the Greatest Soccer Team in the World™ the last few days, you would have seen this: